sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
