He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
