your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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