Sponge bath it is.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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