it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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