Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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