May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
