I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
