You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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