what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
