I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
