Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize