cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
