Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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