I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I did not marry a roomba.
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