At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
