Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
