I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I will die if light touches me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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