I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
