Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
