I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
