I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
