Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
