My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
