His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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