I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
