whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
As shirtless as possible
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
