I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
