It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
