Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
