Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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