How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
