Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
