I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
