She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Fuck appropriateness.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
