Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
