I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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