Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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