also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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