Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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