woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
