Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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