just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
