im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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