The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
