these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
