hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize