just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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