just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
