You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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