Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize