Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
