PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
