I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
