i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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