i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
