I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
