it was like his penis was on wheels.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
