i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
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Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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