Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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