What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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