omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
