Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
