Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
last night I used snow as a chaser
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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