PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
