Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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